blessings.

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy

May God bless you with foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor

A Franciscan Benediction

afraid of the dark

I don't know if you ever did it.

Coming upstairs from the basement in your house as a kid. All the lights are off in the basement. You are walking up the stairs...

and all of a sudden an incredible urge deep within your guts compels you to run as FAST as you possibly can up the stairs. Of course, as a kid, admitting that in person to anyone or possibly breaking into a sprint/roller-derby session when anyone else is with you would be considered very uncool. But when you are alone? RUUUNNNNN!

What I find worthy of reflection is that I still get that feeling as an adult.

My adult expectation was that this fear would fade or disappear! It was supposed to be part of the result of a mystical or esoteric realization that the darkness is actually not something to be feared, but it can even be embraced. There is nothing better than blacking out all the shades of the bedroom of your home or during a hotel stay. My 9 year old daughter even sometimes wears those airplane eye cover thingy's(dont know what they are really called) to sleep! In thick darkness you sleep until no more sleep seems possible.

Today I realized that I’m still afraid of the dark. A lot of us are.

We struggle with needing to be recognized, feeling significant and wondering if the glow of the spotlight will hit us. For many, our roles or calling in life has led to places where the light shines brightly. In many cases, perhaps too bright. As someone who has a small amount of notoriety and is sometimes recognized by people in public places, I realize the light is a dangerous side effect of serving in places of influence and/or being a person who is “seen”. As someone who literally stands, “in the light” on a regular basis, I know that light can be addictive and dangerous.

The light lies.

I constantly wrestle with my fear of the dark. Do people know who I am? What if I somehow become irrelevant?
The voice inside my head can whisper thoughts that breeds insecurity and over-confidence. Insecurity that forgets that He journeys with me, that this is all about Him, and that His love envelopes me whether I’m known by anyone. Over-confidence that places trust in my own decisions, abilities, leadership, giftings, and charisma.

I am not alone.

Francis Chan suddenly resigned his church early last year. Part of the reason behind his decision was summed up in the following interview with CNN:
“When there is a large constituency, there’s a lot of voices,” he said. “It makes you arrogant or it makes you want to shoot yourself. When thousands of people tell you what they think, how can I be quick to listen, like the Bible says? I don’t want to be a jerk and tune everyone out. At the same time you, can’t love every single person and answer them.”
So after lots of prayer and soul searching, Chan decided it was best to leave the church, country, and Internet behind to focus on serving others one-on-one.

I was watching a news clip today regarding Ted Haggard. His much publicized “issues” stripped him of the spotlight he had been living in as a pastor of a large church in Colorado and leader of a large Christian organization. The darkness was a necessary place for him. It was where God can lead him to re-discover the truth about himself without the limelight. It must have been a scary place for him to be.

He has slowly begun to emerge. I have watched and reflected as he appears on talk shows and then obligatory book tour that followed.

Was the light was shouting out to him? Did he miss it?

Now he is doing his own reality show. I do not know him. I have never had coffee with him. But I wonder if some part of him, like it would me, is shouting for the lumens to be increased and cranked up brighter. “I’m over here”.

Could it be that Ted is still afraid of the dark? I know that sometimes I am. When I am around people I feel have 'done it' or 'accomplished something'...that nasty desire to do something that will make me known uncurls in my guts and I don't want to be left in the dark any longer.

Can't you see me?

hmmm. reminds me of the emporer with no clothes...cuz really, thats what we all end up being when our drivenness for the 'light' calls us out of the darkness before He has said, "Let there be light". And then what are we left with? A laughing crowd who has noticed how unattractively naked we are.

Our fear of being in the dark, when not dealt with, spawns a need for the light. A craving for the light. A yearning. But by always standing in the light, we miss what God wants to teach us in the obscurity of the darkness.

There is an alternative of course. You see He hovers over the darkness...waiting to speak His word. Waiting to create the new and the incredible. Worlds of beauty within our hearts. But of course, we know better...the darkness is bad...right?

I love Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of Jesus’ words in Matt. 5:16:
“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to BE LIGHT, bringing out the God-colors in the world.”

I know what you are thinking. What about 1 John 1:7 says, 'But if we walk in the light...'

Well I have a thought about that. Read the rest of the verse. Thats right. "...as He is in the light we HAVE fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin."

How often do we walk in the light, but NOT as He is in the light and as a result we don't know how to fellowship and we fail to deal with sin. And we are left bereft of power and hungering for something we do not have. How many of us medicate this hunger by allowing the light of recognition to numb our longing for wholeness?

Have we got it backwards? Cuz His intention is that light emanates FROM US, not shines ON US.

And when it does, the world is a more colorful place.

Are you afraid of the dark? Don't worry. I am sure someone will be willing to leave the night light on for you.
J

in Flanders Fields...

In Flanders fields where poppies blow,
Between the crosses, row on row...

We have men and woman who have sacrificed for the cause of freedom in our family.
Great Grandpa Chase - a veteran of WW1. My side. Lost most of his ability to talk due to the effects of mustard gas.
Grandpa Mcleod - a veteran of WW2. My side. A navigator on the wellington bombers.
Grandpa Moe - Trace's side. A veteran of WW2. Spent time as a POW in the pacific war theater.

That mark our place: and in the sky the larks still bravely singing, fly
scarce heard amid the guns below...

I am an old man compared to the youth they gambled with when they headed to war.

We are the dead. Short days ago we lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
loved and were loved and now we lie,
In Flanders fields...

I would have loved to have talked to them as young men. To look in their eyes. To probe the young passion and understand their courage and character. To romp and roll, as young men are apt to do, before the years and pain steal the joy of a hope-filled tomorrow.
What was the world they dreamt of? What was the future they lived for? What was the tomorrow they sacrificed for?

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw the torch: be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields...

What would they say to me now? What battlefield would they call me to? What life would they beckon me to live?

Courage.
Faith.
Hope.
Sacrifice.
Love.

Let me live. And fully live. That my life would honour the seeds sown,
in Flanders fields...

Places

we're moving. sigh. tomorrow this time the movers will pack our collection of things...and the truck will roll east.
moving tends to stir up the deepest and most intrinsic emotions we have...i think. i stumbled across this reality when i took our kids to one of our favorite parks yesterday. don't know if this has ever happened to you...but as we walked up to the playground my eyes welled with tears.
i recognize that i feel deeeeeeeeeep attachment to places...for whatever reason. actually...i know that i'm attached to squint lake (and its winding, tree-shaded paths) because i've spent many a restful morning/afternoon here with my kids.
in fact, squint lake is one of the first places Hayley and i discovered together in our initial weeks in Burnaby.
and so...yesterday i said goodbye to a park. sigh...but i also said goodbye to my 'little Hayley'...and the memories of my toddler tumbling down the slide.
here's to the path (and places) ahead...

blahh.

A good friend and mentor sent this to me. quite bothersome actually. God help me never be like this. but face to face, eye to eye...to step towards others with passion.
j

Today I met a man
But not really.
Rather, our paths crossed.
The private paths of our own
separate worlds made a juncture
and we were there.
We told our impersonal names
and shook each other's hand
warmly and firmly – to convey
our interest
which wasn't there.
We shared our views
on the weather, politics,
the latest news,
and other foreign things
which were not there.
And when the conversation lagged,
we said:
“Well, glad to have met you”
“Same here”
We lied, smiled, and extended our hands
again, and parted -
glad to be on our separate ways
from our little meeting.
Today I met a man
But not really.
Anonymous

J. Grant Howard, The Trauma of Transparency, (Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, 1979), p. 115, 120.

a coffee review...BONA COFFEE

He walked in. And in his hand? A bag of 'House Blend' Bona Coffee. He? Luis Gonzalez and his wife Candace. Wonderful friends of ours from the Philippines who have come to Canada to convince me that there IS good coffee grown in a country known for its fruit.

Luis and Candace own a coffee company called Bona Coffee. A brilliant couple with an incredible passion to change the world.
http://www.bonacoffeecompany.com/

And yes, of course they came here just for me. JUST KIDDING. But they should have. chuckle.

Now, it has been said I am a coffee snob...but lets set the record straight. I am passionate about the process of experiencing flavour. You follow?
So as we chatted we scooped out some Bona coffee beans(which they specially delivered from the Philippines to my doorstep), ground them, put the grounds in my french press, and poured boiling water over them. Although the task takes only a few minutes, we both approached the task almost reverently, like painters handling a treasured canvas full of colours. Over the next few days, the ritual was repeated: A porcelain mug filled with the freshly brewed coffee. In real time?

I let the steam and the aroma envelop my entire face. There is always the adding cream and sugar(sorry for you purists...i love strength, creaminess and a sweet punch). I take a small, tentative sip.
Whoa. I throw my head back, and my eyes shoot wide open. From a single sip, I can tell...again...i have captured something of heavens reality in my mouth.

The first time I had this cup of the divine, Luis saw my initial reactions and nervously said, 'what do you think?' I grinned and shook my head. Then I took another sip. This time I could taste more of the full flavours as they slipped over my tongue. By the third sip(cup...chuckle) I was hooked.

SO...my review? Here it is:

Sumatra is one of the world's most distinctive coffee origins. And it has curried my favour and whole hearted commitment from the first moment i tasted it...sometime in 1998. The reason I say this is that what struck me initially was Bona Coffee's assertion that their 'House Blend' was smoother than sumatra. Bold statement. It had BETTER be married with a brilliant coffee. chuckle.

To their credit, it is. Brilliant, I mean.

Bona's House Blend:
Full-bodied.
Resonant.
Low-toned and elegantly comfortable.
This coffee will be attractive(almost giving off pheromones...chuckle) to coffee drinkers who find the powerfully acidy coffees of Kenya and Central America too high-pitched and softer coffees like Konas, Mexicos and Brazils too delicate. Bona's relaxed power doesn't depend on acidity, rather on depth, weight and an echoing dimension. What is really incredible is that the they have successfully blended coffee beans to highlights the best parts of acidity, not remove it. In the process they have produced a blend that has greater breadth than any I have had! Wonderful.
They have created a richly ambiguous complex of flavor notes and the deep, rugged, pungent blends allows the coffee's intensity to linger in your mouth.
And the concentrated spicy, herbal notes and earthy flavour are sure to be the telltale signatures of this well-loved coffee.

So today, when you lift a cup of coffee and offer thanks to the Creator...curse your fate...cuz more than likely(unless you live in Manila) you are not drinking a beverage that is as good as the one I am drinking.

Bona Coffee's House Blend...heaven in my mouth.

Cheers.
Jonathan

success discussions...

the following are late night thoughts after incredible convos with incredible people: CnL...chuckle.

And the Lord said, “Go.” (Genesis 12:1)

The pilgrim said, “Go where?”

Lord: “Go.”

Pilgrim: “How will I know the way?”

Lord: “Do you trust me? Go.”

Pilgrim: “How will I know when I get there?”

Lord: “Will you trust me? Go.”

Explorers ventured out on strange seas to unknown places and, in so doing, re-made their world. Buy a book or take a course on history and you can read about about Vasco de Gamma(Portuguese explorer who established the first the trade route from Europe to India), Columbus (You know Chris...opened the Americas to European exploration), and Jacques Cartier(discovered Canada and sailed down the St. Lawrence to where Montreal would be born)...totally inspiring stuff. Then there is Ferdinand Magellan...left his homeland in Portugal to join the Spanish court in search of a king to sponsor his mad dream of sailing west to discover Spice Islands that lay to the East. So bold...so crazy...so imaginative for his day! I read an article that was an overview of a book based on this first circumnavigation of the world by the stubborn, determined, amazing navigator, Magellan. Laurence Bergreen’s book, Over the Edge of the World described how almost no one believed in the possibility of Magellan’s dream.

"Few would risk such madness. Magellan spent years forging alliances with brilliant and odd friends who brought the skills and resources to his venture. Finally, Magellan had the resources and people for the adventure. But the maps of the world in those days were piteously inadequate. Maps were the equivalent of the secrets to making nuclear weapons. No country would share them with another. They were kept locked in vaults and viewed as the most important of state secrets. Magellan, therefore, had few maps with which to work with and those he had were terribly inaccurate. They represented the Atlantic as a huge body of water but the Pacific as a tiny pond surrounded by a huge land mass. With such maps, a deeply suspicious crew and co-captain, he set sail down the coast of Africa then made a mad dash across the south Atlantic on the Trade Winds landing on the coast of South America several hundreds of miles from the terrible waters which later came to be named the Straights of Magellan. A little band of people, with all their venality, pride, power, needs and shortsightedness sailed the winds of an uncharted world in tiny boats and changed the face of the earth."

Alex Roxburgh writes, "There are times when ventures are waiting to be birthed. There are tides and winds which, if risked, bear us to places and worlds our imaginations could not comprehend from this shore."

My heart burns when I allow myself to feel through this...
So...some ramblings as I 'burn' tonight:

Life does not come with a clearly defined road map.

We take one step after another.

We move forward without the ability to forecast the results of each step or decision.

Plans change. Situations morph. Life throws us curve balls. Things seldom turn out according to our wish, plan or anticipation.

No one really knows what is going on.

I am often asked, “Does God have a specific plan for my life?”

Yes, God does have a plan. God’s plan is that we might become the deep, fully alive, loving human beings we were created to be. We exist to manifest in the visible realm that invisible beauty that is our true nature created in the image of God. As William Blake wrote in “Songs of Innocence,”

And we are put on earth a little space
That we may learn to bear the beams of love

That is the only plan I know of. The specifics of how that plan works out in our lives are basically irrelevant.

The beauty of God’s plan is that you can fulfill it anywhere, doing anything. It does not matter what the external circumstances of your life may be. Anything and everything can be used to help you become radiant with the life of Jesus that is your true destiny.

You don’t need an academic degree, a particular career, or a special relationship. You only need a heart that is open to the Spirit and willingness to grow.

The wonderfully unique detail about God’s plan that usually spins us right out is that it works best when we don’t know what is going on.

God’s plan is most effective when we don’t understand.

When we cannot make sense of what is happening.

Because the essential requirement for God’s plan to be all that He intended is: trust. Trust grows in the soil of uncertainty; it thrives in the land of doubt and confusion.

The prophet Jeremiah says,

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
And its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7,8)

We do not know where the journey of our lives will lead. All we can know for sure is that there will be times when we feel nourished and sustained AND there will be times when life seems barren and dry. If our roots go down deep, we will pass through times of feast without attachment and survive famine without fear. The wind will blow; but the life with deep roots withstands and even THRIVES in the storms.

These contrary and painful life experiences are gifts given to us to help us develop the muscles of trust. If life were all smooth and the skies always sunny, we would never develop the inner resilience of faith that can stand firm no matter what circumstances we face. Men and Women of character are forged on the anvil of trust...taking the repeated blows of life.

With trust we are able to step into the unknown, confident that only good can come.

The good may not look the way we had hoped.

The good may lay on the other side of great pain.

But it will be good because it gives us an opportunity to open more deeply to that inner reality that is the imprint of Christ at the core of our being. Our attachment to Him, rather than to any particular outcome or plan, is the crux that allows us to journey in joy and freedom.

The beauty of trust is that no one can take it from me. I may lose my career. My family may abandon me. My investments may tank or evaporate. My health may be gone...my strength will fade.

But I can always choose to trust. I can always give myself to the reality of Jesus...who is holding my life, sustaining my heart and enabling me to grow and deepen in my ability to love.

No one knows the future.

We never really understand the past.

We move forward with courage because we trust that whatever we encounter, it will be another opportunity partner with Jesus in the plan of redemption. And in the process He will call us to "Come further up and further in…"

And I love the ongoing discovery that "the further up and the further in you go, the bigger everything gets. The inside is larger than the outside.”

So stop stressing about living a successful life.

Sometimes you have to the roll the dice and go all in...and not worry about 'what now?????". Success is not in the accomplishment of something.

Success is in the going. Or as my brotha Luis said last night, 'Success is in the obedience.'

It's in the growing.

J