I am coming to some realizations, dare I say conclusions, about this life of 'faith':
My faith is not a short cut that allows or provides me an escape from the reality of pain. It is my way through it.
My faith is not a underground bunker that keeps me from the dangers of a world locked in darkness. Its the lightning rod of love that asks me, no compells me, to venture to the very gates of hell knowing that He is there waiting for me.
My faith is not my personal hit man who gets rid of any and all opposition or competition. Its my faith that has them over for coffee and throws them a 5 course meal.
My faith is not the Jordan-esque finish with an acrobatic shot from the free throw line to win the championship. It is the average layup that sends me into overtime so I have another shot at it.
My faith is not a guarantee that I will not fail, fall, screw up, or sin. Its my faith that fills my heart with the knowledge that He is enough for me and all that I need.
My faith is not a system of belief to answer my longing for the divine. It is just Jesus.
My faith is not the solution or the answer to the questions that plague me...or should I say haunt me...
My faith forces me to find them.
jonathan
hey...
you said:
'My faith is not a system of belief to answer my longing for the divine. It is just Jesus'. and it got me thinking.
there seem to be two schools of thought operating within N. American Xianity at the moment. in one, we see an obvious emphasis placed on evaulation and reevaluation of both historical and biblical orthodoxy...with emphasis placed on attempts to be 'authentic' and 'true' to 'just Jesus' AND to interpreting/presenting Him to our culture. in the other, we see an obvious emphasis placed on evaluation and reevaluation of both historical and biblical orthodoxy...with the result being a reaffirmation of 'the system of belief' and a desire to remain 'true' to the fundamental assertions made by reformed theologians.
i want my faith to be 'just jesus'...but i CANNOT get away from both historical traditions about who jesus was or my own 'shoeboxes' that i've been given to carry him in. and while somedays i'm frustrated by those who balk at asking questions about interpretation/theology/application because of their belief/fear that we may end up compromising...i'm also struck on other days by a sense that my questioning will lead to an undermining of belief in my life and the lives of others.
maybe it's just my studies that get me thinking like this. i wonder sometimes if all believers listened to what i listen to, would belief still remain? the reality is that many of us believe/trust in the system of Xianity MORE than the revelation of jesus. and that system has significant 'flaws' and inconsistencies. my studies are a series of questions launched at that system; some days the questioning spawns greater faith [because questioning is healthy]...and on others, i'm left wondering if i haven't crossed some line.
do we not ask questions because we're afraid of the answers? are some questions off-limits? how much of our 'system of belief' is actually a well-charted course toward the essence of who jesus calls us to be?
which leads me to say...
My faith is at times a sturdy ship...powered by unseen winds and aimed at new discovery. And at other times it is a shattered piece of timber i barely cling to...a life 'preserver'...tossed and drowned in a rain-drenched sea.
some thoughts. sw
2 comments:
I love the fact that I am not alone in my quest of 'faith', deeper faith, wider faith and taller faith.
The verse that states when I was a child I thought, reasoned and talked like a child...(look it up if you need a refresher 1Cor. 13:11)...In my mind, if I want small faith I need only to remain a child. This requires less thought, input or personal accountability.
Is this keeping Jesus in a box?
I have a box. Do I want to contain my faith or Jesus in it? No. I want big faith, not contained faith. What is it that I must do to quit riding this perpetual merry-go-round? I get on... I get off...I get on...I get off - you get the picture.
Revelation hit me this week. I am consumed with keeping Jesus and my faith in this box, but it is falling apart and my healing tears are weakening its structure. The sides are soggy, the bottom is useless, but my arms are wrapped in vain around its deteriorating mass.
Do I keep useing precious strength, trying with futility to keep a box together that never was meant to be? But how does one let go of their idea's long enough to allow Jesus to update their system of beliefs for his divine plan thus tuning into him more completely.
I want it to be just Jesus - no holds barred. I am tired of it being anything else, it takes too much energy.
I pray that the tough questions will always find its voice - and within these questions may our faith find truth.
My faith does keep me from doubt, it is what brings me back; to inevitably doubt once more.
My life is one confusing event after the next, the only thing that keeps me engaged is the uncontrollable, unexplainable hope in me that tells me it means something.
My faith is not understanding the whole, my faith is hope in the next realization to come.
I don't want to have faith, I don't want to care. I want to fall into the sweet surrender of apathy.
My faith is not my completion, my faith is my motivation.
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